Die Scale, Die!

Who among us doesn’t have a case of the Mondays pretty much every single Monday? Being a stay at home mom, pretty much every day is Monday for me, but lately actual Mondays have become so much more Monday-ier.

I am working hard to help people overcome their health issues, while watching their weight fall into place. The problem I continually run into is it seems Monday is torture yourself by stepping on the bathroom scale day. New week, new you! Is that the theory we are all following?

In my yo-yo dieting past, I found the best day to weigh-in was Saturday. Surely I was an angel dieter the entire week, so my efforts were bound to show up on Saturday. This strategy also left me free to indulge on weekend treats. What is up with all of the Monday weigh-ins? Don’t you people like to enjoy your weekend properly?

These days I am anti-scale. We had a serious talk, followed by a very dramatic break up. It was pretty much the scene out of Office Space, Geto Boys Die *MF* Die blasting in the background, while I throttled that viscous scale with my toddler’s Paw Patrol bat. Man that scale squealed as this suburban mom took out all of her pent up rage during baby nap time.

OK, I just made that up…but it isn’t a bad idea. Who doesn’t want to smash something so evil with hardcore rap blasting in the background? I just put it away instead. You know, because I am a suburban mom with a napping baby. Crushing that soulless beast who has crushed my spirit so many times before is so not worth waking a sleeping baby.

There is far too much emotion involved with the scale. If you lost weight – wahoo! Time to celebrate. If you gained weight – death, doom and destruction befalls you because the scale went up half a pound. That scale will throw off your entire day. Some people might even go so far as to rethink their entire program just as progress is right around the corner.

If you do see a loss on the scale, there isn’t really a reason to celebrate. Sometimes those pounds you lose could be water weight, especially at the beginning of your diet. Eat half of a sweet potato and boom! Those pounds are coming right back and they will bring a friend or two to the party.

If you gain weight the next week, that could be your blood pressure going up because blood is heavy. This might be a wonderful gain if low blood pressure has become your new BFF. Far too many chronic dieters have low blood pressure and they need extra resources to feel like an actual human.

A scale surplus could be muscle gain accompanying fat loss from the awesome workouts you had this week. Maybe you just need to poop. Are you going to be sad and punish yourself because you have to poop? Embrace your poop. Celebrate your poop. Some people are so constipated, they would commit to watching Sunny Bunnies on a never-ending loop just to poop.

You could actually weigh yourself three times in a row and get a different number each and every time. Let’s equate the scale to Lindsay Lohan. She is pretty. Everyone wants to believe her when she says she is sober, especially now that she has a British accent. They love her when she flashes that sweet smile, but when she shows up already wasted at the club, look out! Drinks are getting thrown and hair is getting pulled, followed by her new movie getting pulled.

The scale is an undependable liar is the point I am trying to make here. Your scale might even have a British accent to fool you. (If you talk to your scale, I do not have a natural remedy for that).

What That Meanie Scale Really Means

I could give you the same advice I have been given in the past: when you weigh-in, have no emotion toward the scale. Use it as data. Write it on your spreadsheet and move on with your day. Right. That will work exactly never. As much as you tell yourself you can weigh-in with no emotion, there is far too much pressure to connect our self worth with the scale in our society.

The problem is the scale is not telling you if you lost or gained fat. The scale is telling you that you lost or gained weight. If you want to lose weight right now, come on over so I can hack off your arm. The rest of your day will probably suck, but hey, the scale said you lost weight. Victory is yours! Now wave your hacked off arm in the air like you just don’t care to celebrate your big scale victory!

What if we just ditch the scale all together? What if we go back to connecting with our bodies in the ways of our ancestors? What if we find other ways to pat ourselves on the back other than with our hacked off arm because we were so desperate to see the scale drop that we cut off our arm just to see a loss? I am convinced the scale is really only a lying piece of electronics that is meant to keep us stuck in this awful diet mentality forever.

If you are wondering how the heck you are supposed to measure your results without depending on that lying liar pants on fire scale, check out this excerpt from Day 30 of my Coach Me Course: The Secrets of How I Lost 100 Pounds and How I Easily Maintain that Loss:

The Scale Still Lies

We talked all the way back in week 1 that the scale is a liar. To quote one of my favorite podcastors, “The scale is a lying liar that lies!” If you are still using the scale as your main method to track your progress, just know you are in an abusive relationship with an electronic device that is only telling you one side of the story. It isn’t even close to the whole story. It lies. If you like to believe lying liars, keep on keepin on.

Tracking Your Truth

If you want to know the truth about how you are progressing with your health journey, this is the way to get to the truth:

  • Check in with how you feel. How you feel day to day is the greatest predictor of how healthy you are.
  • How do your clothes feel? Are they getting looser? Are they getting tighter? Be honest with yourself.
  • Did you measure around your waist this month? How does that compare to your first measurement. If it is down 1/2 – 1 inch, those are wonderful results. What may sound like slow progress is actually wonderful progress!
  • Did you take photos of yourself wearing the same outfit you wore last month? Can you see any differences?

These are going to be the best ways to track your progress….

You can take the advice I give to my Coach Me Course students on Day 30, apply these tracking methods to your health plan and live happily ever after; or I can lend you my toddler’s Paw Patrol bat so you can continually bash yourself in the head with it week after week. Bashing yourself in the head will give you about as much progress as relying on the scale does.

By using these methods to measure progress, your weight and health will advance much further than stepping on the scale. Try it for a month or two, then come back to let me know how much healthier you have become. Or at least just read my newest blog.

Now ditch the scale. You will feel so much freedom. Suddenly you will become this diet rebel who doesn’t find her worth in a worthless number on the scale. Damn it feels good to be a gangster. Scream it loud and proud – but only if it isn’t baby nap time.

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