Stubborn, Sucky Baby Weight

Pregnancy pounds – they suck. You know what is even suckier than sucky pregnancy pounds? The constant yo-yo dieting pounds already accumulated before the baby was even a tiny twinkle in your eye, but then you added the pregnancy pounds too. And I’m talking over twenty years of yo-yoing up, down, and that big old loop de loop really talented yo-yo magicians can do.

I guess you can say I am no stranger to this whole dieting game. I mean, who among us hasn’t tried every diet gimmick known to woman in attempt to squeeze into jeans you should have thrown in the towel on twenty pounds ago? And if you are in the corner raising your hand because you are a rare specimen that can shove an entire plate of extra cheesy nachos down, followed by a large Coke and not gain an ounce, go somewhere else. Ain’t nobody got time for you and your nachos while attempting to read a fat girl blog, in between demanding her toddlers quit jumping on the couch for the fourteenth time.

But I digress. Pregnancy pounds are the worst and pretty much impossible to lose. They continue to compound with each kid, and before you know it, you start to wonder if the airline is going to make you purchase an extra seat this year for holiday travel – and I’m not talking about for your kids under two, mmmmkay? Deep down you know there is nothing you can do about it. You already crawled on hands and knees back to Weight Watchers because Oprah told you that you can eat bread. BREAD! Somehow counting all the points in the world just isn’t cutting it anymore. Looks like those XL maternity pants are here to stay.

Been there, done that, never doing it again.

So you know all of that advice the experts dole out about having to make diet changes into a lifestyle change? Well, after more than twenty years on the diet rollercoaster I have learned they are absolutely right. It took me multiple rounds of Slimfast, Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig to figure that out. But do you know what other advice the experts dole out that they are also absolutely correct about? Pretty much nothing else.

Now I cannot claim myself an expert in the nutrition field, but I am a bonafide health geek. I listen to every reliable health podcast out there and read all about the latest health breakthroughs, in between yelling at my toddlers to quit jumping on the couch, again. Always desperate to find something to keep the pounds off, I have always read every article I could find pretty much since I was twelve. The difference is I finally sifted through the expert BS and found the real answers that really work! A feat more than twenty years in the making.

I am really unsure why I feel the need to keep pointing out that I have been stuck in the diet mentality for over twenty years. I will quit beating around that tree of broccoli decomposing in your produce drawer and just spell it out – I am old. I am an older mom of very young kids, but with age comes wisdom…or something.

We’re friends, right? I mean, I popped out two kids; I am guessing you popped out at least one since you are still reading this. At the very least, we have all had food babies in our bellies at some time or another. We are probably both sitting on our couches right now contemplating what fabulous dinner we should slave over only to have our toddlers throw it all on the floor. That’s a friend in my book! These days, anyway. Since we are friends, I want to help you. I don’t want you to struggle with health or weight issues any longer. And since we are both busy moms, or gestators of food babies, I want to make it easy for you. Let me break it down.

The reason I said none of the advice the experts give is right is that every expert tells you something different. When you are fed up with one expert’s advice, you move onto the next, then back to the previous, and then just end up chowing down on an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in tears while searching out yet another expert’s advice.

This does not lead to health gains; it leads to frustration. Cold, lonely, eat an entire tray of brownies topped with extra fudge frustration. I have good news. Good health is not that complicated. Good health is not found in daily health shakes, protein bars, endless elliptical sessions or the supplement aisle at Walgreens. (Please, please do not buy your supplements at Walgreens. If you’d like, I can pick you up and speed down the 202 while blasting some Brittany and throwing your hard earned cash directly out the window. That would at least provide some entertainment while throwing away your money).

Good health is found in the choices you make everyday by choosing to feed yourself and your family real, whole foods. But wait, you didn’t think all of that lead up was for that little gem of advice, did you? Of course there is more to the story. Much, much more, but like I said we are going to keep it simple starting off. It has to be simple in order to become your new lifestyle.

To start your new journey to great health, I want you to take some baby steps. I want you to throw away everything you have ever learned. Stop counting calories. Quit looking at fat grams (unless you are looking to add more, because good fats are key to excellent health). No more logging hours upon hours on the treadmill. Heck, if you are really feeling brave, throw away your scale.

Just sttttaaaaahhhhpppp! Stop the dieting madness and mentality. It’s a trap, I swear. Having lost 80 pounds after my first pregnancy and another 60 after my second, while finally being able to keep it off and feeling great in the process, I can attest it is a trap. A time trap, a money trap, a fat trap. A big scam to keep you overweight and unhealthy and coming back for more.

As I said above, there is much, much more to this health journey, but we all need to start somewhere. If you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and fat, there are only three things I want you to do starting out. Three dieting rules I want you to follow – and just clear your cluttered mind of everything you have learned about health to this point.

Rule 1: Forget what all of the experts tell you about constantly needing food to shove into your face to give you energy. This benefits the food companies, and the food companies only. From now on make sure you are eating only in a twelve hour window. What I mean by this is, if you have your first bite of food at 7 am, then you should not have anything else after 7 pm. Keep a twelve hour eating window most days of the week.

Rule 2: I know you don’t want to hear this, but it has to be said. Yes, you need to cut back on all of those yummy carbohydrates. Yep, even the “healthy” whole wheat carbohydrates the experts have been touting for decades. Even fruit and fruit juice carbohydrates. Especially fruit juice carbohydrates! Now it’s not all bad news; you get to keep *some* of your beloved carbs. Starting out, your goal should be to eat 25 carbs or less per meal for most of your meals each day. The occasional cheat meal, meh, you can probably get away with it – but I do mean occasional as in a holiday or birthday meal, not occasional as in three times a week meal.

Rule 3: Educate yourself. Never stop educating yourself to help you find what works best for you. Everyone is different and has different needs. No one diet is going to work for everyone. (Sorry experts cashing in on useless products, ain’t gonna happen). Become a health geek. Listen to the reliable podcasts and read the unsponsored articles. I know there is a ton of information out there, but stick with me and I will point you to the good stuff. Rules 1 and 2 are pretty general and a really great start, but you need to build from there to help you find what is best for you.

That’s it. Start with those three rules to get yourself on the path for success today. No more waiting for Monday. The rules are so easy that you can start with your next meal.

If you are as anxious about excellent health as I am and simply cannot wait for my next post, keep following my Facebook page: Eating Fat is the New Skinny. I also offer one-on-one personal health coaching to guide you specifically to the best eating plan for optimal health for YOU and your lifestyle. You can hear more about my story on episode 27 of Fasting Talk with Jimmy Moore and Friends.

Ok, gotta run. My toddlers just went from jumping on the couch to jumping on each other.